I need to talk about begging.
People scrounging for change, for a hit or a drink or whatever... I can't believe how this affects me.
This afternoon on the train on the way home, a young 20 something (?) girl was walking the aisle coming from behind me, and I could hear her wheedling, simpering voice. She was approaching each group of seated passengers and apologising for interrupting their ride. "Just wondering if youse could spare some spare change, sorry to bother you....that's ok, have a good day"
I don't know whether I prefer this approach or the abusive one. You know what I mean, don't you?
"spare a dollar, come on luv....well f... off ya ......"
On one hand I'm thinking, as she walks down the train carriage; I am on this train because I HAVE A JOB, to PAY for the things I NEED. I have kids who deserve (?) whatever resources I have to grow up big and strong. I would not stop on the way home to spend one measly dollar on ANYTHING I have a whim for. I wouldn't go buy a packet of cigarettes, buy a bottle of wine, a chocolate bar, a magazine. I AM a bit of a tightarse where spending on myself is concerned, but that's what op-shops are for. (And Dan Murphy's) I WOULD buy a lettuce or milk for the brekkys, or bread for school lunches.
So why do I feel so guilty that I am so fortunate, so disgusted with my superior-type righteousness. I gave her a dollar but then I felt judged by the people around me who DIDN'T give her anything, that they were thinking that I was a sap (who knows) sending the poor girl to an even earlier grave by funding her addiction. uuurrrggghhhh.
Usually I don't give anything, but then I think wow I am so lucky, I had a happy childhood, my parents love me, my partner doesn't abuse me (and he loves me), my kids are gorgeous and sweet smelling (immediately after a shower) and how would I feel if I had to ask all these goody-two-shoes on the train, reading their NOVELS, listening to their I-PODS, and poking their BLACKBERRIES, for ONE MEASLY DOLLAR?
2 comments:
I just had a gypsy-esque lady come in to the shop and ask for money. All whiney and talking about my baby, Freaked me right out! Gave her a few dollars to leave, does that make me a soft target? She'll be back all the time now.
Oh I never know what to do either and I do wonder what has occurred in their lives for them to be so desperate to ask for money from strangers. Thankfully you and I aren't in this situation.
Sometimes I give, others times I do not. I feel more compelled to buy the Big Issue - at least I feel as if they are making an effort.
Post a Comment